Tag

Happiness

How to Be Happy

A simple way to improve your daily happiness.

Finding out how to be happy feels like one of life’s great and impossible missions. Whenever people ask me how I want to feel in life my first inclination is to cry out, “I just want to feel happy!” Doesn’t everyone?

Fortunately, there is no single answer to the happiness mystery. One of my many beefs with self-help books and lists of, “The Top 3 Ways to Be Happy” is that everyone is different and what works for you or me may not work for someone else. The uniqueness of us all is what makes life beautiful. Travelling and seeing the world makes me soooo happy. However, a homebody may dread the idea of hanging out in an airport for three hours.

Another thing that grinds my gears about “Top 3” lists is that they are often vague or quite difficult. For example, “Changing Your Thoughts” often appears on happiness guides. Cognitive-behavioural therapy is a very effective method for changing your thoughts but it takes a lot of effort and willpower. One cannot simply stop thinking all negative thoughts at the drop of a dime. But when lists or guides say things like this, it can be so discouraging to someone who reads them and finds they cannot just change their thoughts.

If you have experienced this, you are not alone.

I can’t even count how many times I’ve tried to follow someone else’s list and failed only to feel worse off than when I started. Not to mention, bouncing around all of these different strategies without much success can feel very disenheartening. Finding what makes you feel best is so important to finding your way in this world.

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A Simple Way to Improve your Happiness

I prefer to view finding happiness as making small tweaks to my current state. On a scale of 1-10, if I’m currently feeling like a five, what is one small thing I can tweak to get myself to a six? Maybe, I can go out for a brisk walk while blasting angry rap music. And if continually doing that when I feel I need a burst of happiness almost always pulls me up a number on my happiness scale then I need to continue to do that. Sometimes it might take more than one small thing to pull yourself up. That is okay too.

If you’re feeling like a five and cuddling your cat pulls you up to a six then cuddle your cat when you need a dash of happiness in your life. There is no shame in anything that makes you feel a little bit better in your daily life. Personally, watching videos of cats knocking down children always makes me laugh (See no shame). What never fails to make you laugh?

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My trick to keeping track of what makes me happy is documenting it.

This year, I’ve started Bullet Journalling. I’m actually obsessed with it. The point being though is that in my journal I’ve dedicated two pages to things that make me happy. One is targeted for when I’m feeling low and the other is just things that I encounter in my life that make me feel happy. I find this helpful because it is my own personal guidepost to my own happiness.  Try it out! On days that I feel depressed or down it can very difficult to think of ways to get back up. However, if I have a list of my own ideas ready to go it feels much more hopeful. This is my happiness arsenal. If you find there are things that always make you feel happy, write them out and the next time you feel like you need to be pulled up a number on your happiness scale pull out the list. But make it your own. It is okay to seek inspiration from others but don’t feel pressure to be made happy by the same things.
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Clearly, I’m still working on my own list. They are also shaping up to be pretty similar.

Doing the things that make you happy in any way is a great way of finding yourself and creating a life you love. If saying affirmations works for you, do it! But if vacuuming your house works for you, do it! There is something reassuring about cleaning. For me at least. You might passionately despise housework. But it’s cool. You do you; I’ll do me. We can have different lists of how to be happy.

There is no foolproof way to create your happiness. You find out how to be happy for you. Let everyone else find out how to be happy for themselves.

As much as I hate how hokey this sounds, you really do have to look for ways to find it within.

as always arielle

How to Overcome Fear and Follow Your Dreams

Recently, I went bungee jumping for the first time off of a 160-foot bridge (I like to go extreme or not at all) and I convinced my little sister to join me. As the older sister, I went first. Of course, the jump was scary, it is a massive bridge. But she was watching me. I knew that if I hesitated she would see it and it might affect her confidence jumping after me. I had to look over the ledge, take a deep breath and jump. It was amazing. However, I had to take a moment to face my own fear in order to instill confidence in someone else. We often praise those who overcome their fears and achieve great things. In facing your own fears, you may become an inspiration to others. You will not only achieve your own dreams; you will help others achieve theirs. Overcome fear and follow your dreams.

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Fear is a fickle friend. It can both motivate but also paralyze. Everyone feels fear, even the bravest people have been afraid at some point. Working past that fear to face a challenge can be so liberating. What fears are limiting you? What is making you afraid?

I had a fear of starting this blog. I was afraid I wouldn’t be good enough or that I wouldn’t have anything interesting and new to say. But I’ve been working past that fear to try something new.

Sometimes, taking the full plunge all at once might be too scary. Necessary for bungee jumping but not always necessary for other areas of life. If this is the case and fully jumping into something all at once is too much then take it in smaller steps.

A common treatment for phobias is exposure-based therapy. This is essentially, gradual exposure to the feared object. While a phobia is an irrational, extreme fear of something, this concept of gradual exposure can be utilized in coping with other fears as well. If jumping all in at once feels too unattainable for you then try breaking down your fear into smaller pieces and slowly build your way up to overcoming it.

In my blog example, it took me forever to actually start it. I slowly brainstormed my concept and researched and researched. I bought my web address but did nothing with it. Then I designed my site but didn’t make it public. But eventually you do just have to take the plunge. Accept the fear, acknowledge the feeling, and do it anyway. 

When I planned my recent trip to Spain I often found myself being asked about how I feel going to Europe with all of the terrorism happening. This frustrated me because I’m not going to change my life based on the idea that something might happen. I can’t stay home and live my life in fear. The city in which I live in has a mall that was called out as a possible attack site. I’m just as at risk at home as I am there. Letting fear take over can prevent you from having incredible opportunities.  Please, don’t let fear of what could go wrong stop you from following a dream (That being said, if there is a true and actual risk to your safety then don’t do it).

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Ways to Tackle Fear:

  1. Accept the feeling. It is okay that it scares you.
  2. Explore the fear. What is causing you to feel afraid? Truly. Be open and honest with yourself. Brainstorm what the possible causes might be. Figure out where this fear is coming from. If you don’t know the true reason why you’re feeling afraid then you can’t truly address it and change it. If the fear is that you won’t be successful in your endeavor, then know that any step in the direction of your dreams is a learning experience. It’s possible that you might not be successful by your standards but you learned something along the way that will make your next endeavor more successful.
  3. Face the fear. Whether it’s in small increments or all at once. Face the fear. You have to take that plunge. Trust me, it feels amazing.
  4. Live Your Dreams.

Please join me in the comments with some of your fears and how you have overcome them!

 

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How To See Barcelona on a 20-Something Budget

We had an amazing time in Barcelona. The city has a vibrant nightlife, which suits us quite well, and no shortage of sights to see and things to do during the day.

How to See Barcelona on a 20-Something Budget

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Miles of candy in Mercat de la Boqueria.

Three Things You Must do in Barcelona:

  1. Mercat de la Boqueria: Everywhere you turn in this market your eyes will be accosted by splashes of different colours and distractions. I am all about a good market and this one did not disappoint. My taste buds were screaming with satisfaction the entire time we spent here. The market is also located along La Rambla, which is a great shopping street. You could make a day of it.
  2. Have shots at Espit Chupitos: With 700 to choose from and only costing 2 euro a piece, this can make for a spectacular night. More on this place down below.
  3. Waterfront: Barcelona has a great beach. Along the sand people make different sand sculptures. They do expect a tip if they catch you trying to take a photograph.

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There were a lot of different sand sculptures along the beach!

You may be surprised not to see La Sagrada Familia on my list. We did not actually go inside and were underwhelmed by the outside. I mean, it was nice, but it just didn’t do anything for us. The construction really took away the impact for us.

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Construction makes us sad.

We did make an appearance at Park Guell but we only scoped out some of the free portion and didn’t spend much time wandering through.

Nightlife in Barcelona

  • I just cannot say enough about Espit Chupitos. This is the best shots bar that I have ever been too, they have 700 to choose from. The first time we went, Jess and I teamed up with two other people from our hostel in an attempt to sample the most shots. We each bought rounds of different things. Harry Potter shots are lit on fire and served with an orange. Willy Wonka shots are served with whipped cream and chocolate. Pulp Fiction shots are essentially death in a tiny glass. Tutti Frutti is a sweet break from the other options. After this night of bonding, we hope to see these friends again when we visit Chicago this summer. Strategize to sample as many as you can! You’re in Europe, enjoy it! This is one of the many times in our friendship that Jess and I have noticed that we always drink harder than everyone we are with. But, we have the most fun.

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The names of all the different shots are listed on chalkboards at the back.

  • We went to Sutton twice and both nights that we went they played hip-hop. I love a good hip-hop night.  In Spain, the party starts late. If you go to the club before 1:30 am- 2:00 am (which is last call where I’m from), you may be the only people in the club. Try to get there late. I recommend napping before going. And pre-drinking because club drinks are pricey.
  • Another place we checked out was Opium. The security at this beach club is very strict, the guy in front of us was not allowed in because he was wearing pink shoes and another guy had to remove his earrings. That being said, creepy guys will always find their way in. Stand your ground. You don’t have to dance with anyone that you do not want to. I am no stranger to inviting guys to get away from my friends and myself.

Places to Eat:

Ramen-Ya Hiro: Every single time we walked by this ramen place there was a massive line. People start lining up 45 minutes before the place even opens. Naturally, we needed to know what the fuss was all about. The food was delectable. I never knew ramen could taste so good! In light of the long line, I asked the waiter if we could order a glass of wine to drink will we waited outside. He happily obliged us. Fun Fact: I tried edamame for the first time without knowing that it is essentially a green bean and you only eat the insides.

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This ramen was seriously so amazing! Worth a line.

Mercat de la Boqueria: I’m always a proponent of a good market. You can find every single type of food you could possibly want here. It is almost impossible to even make a decision. Don’t be hasty; wander the whole market before deciding. There is flavour and temptation around every corner.

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So many tantalizing options.

Pizza del Born: Located more centrally, this place makes a mouthwatering pizza. We needed this to recover after visiting Espit Chupitos.

Getting Around in Barcelona

Barcelona has a good metro system. Jess and I shared one metro card, as they don’t track who is using it. If you only need to go for a few stops through the city, this could be a wise idea for yourself and your travel mate. We were able to take the metro to a bus stop and a bus to the airport for only 6 euro.

Otherwise, we walked through the city.

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Yeah Barcelona Hostel

We stayed at Yeah Hostel, which was part of a larger chain of hostels throughout Spain and Portugal. Honestly, I loved this chain. The beds are massive with individual charging stations; there is plenty of space to lock up your things. The showers were great. The only thing that I didn’t love was the lighting. The rooms have terrible lighting. These hostels all offer a 15 euro pub-crawl which gives you open bar in the hostel for beer and sangria, followed by one bar, where you are meant to get drunk for cheap, and then head off to a larger club.

Why You Need to Start Practicing Gratitude

Being grateful for what you have is an underrated way to improve happiness. From Marie Kondo who is expresses gratitude for every dollar in her bank account to bloggers abound the internet gratitude is a big help. One of the things that I have been grateful for since starting out blogging is the support and kindness of other bloggers in the community. I never anticipated how supportive total strangers could be. To give thanks, on Fridays I will be posting links to other blog posts around the Internet that I have enjoyed and hope that you will too. In addition, I’ll also be posting a small gratitude list of things that I loved this this week or things that I am grateful for. P

Please join me in the comments! We should all share the gratitude in our lives. Or at least start practicing gratitude.

Posts for Practicing Gratitude:

*This may contain affiliate links. For more on what that means click here.

My Gratitude List:

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Things You Must Do In San Sebastian, Spain

If I had to choose one word to describe San Sebastian I would have to go with stunning. There are many things you must do in San Sebastian.

One of the things that you need to do in San Sebastian is hike Mount Urgull. The top of the mountain can be reached in two ways. One is by walking past the aquarium. You should be following the castle signs as the Jesus statue is located on top of an old castle.

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Jesus from atop the hill.

The alternative is to take the stairs next to the San Telmo Museoa. What we ended up doing was starting at the aquariam and finishing at the San Telmo Museoa. This your best bet because you will be able to catch a variety of different view points. Trying to actually selfie with the Jesus statue results in very unflattering angles but you can definitely try it out. Taking the exit towards the museum gives a viewpoint of Zurriola Surf Beach; however, it was not particularly wavy during our visit.

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Zurriola Surf Beach from the Museum exit. Does life get any better?  

Near the Zurriola Surf Beach you can board either a little red train tour or a hop on hop off bus.

We opted for the small red train as it only cost 5 euro. This has no stops but does provide an audio tour lasting about a half an hour of San Sebastian. We liked the opportunity to see more of the city.

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The view from atop Mount Igueldo. The larger mountain behind us is Mount Urgull.

Another mountain that you must visit in San Sebastian is Mount Igueldo.

Whereas Mount Urgull involves a hike, this gem can be reached by taking a funicular up the mountain. The funicular is a little hard to spot but it is essentially a cable car that you take you up to unbelievable viewpoints of the entire city. For only a few euro it was well worth it. There is a little café up here if you are a sucker for a meal with a view, which I am.

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I’ll take my morning coffee with a view any day.

Finally, the tapas of San Sebastian make this a must see for any trip to Spain.

Is Being Single Really That Bad?

There is a lot of societal pressure to get married and settle down. This in turn, can make people who are single with no prospects feel lonelier. I can’t count how many times I have heard women make self-depreciating comments about how they might as well get ten cats now because they will never find anyone. I don’t even know how cats became the poster animal for single life; they are actually wonderful. But is being single really that bad? I don’t actually think it is.

When you are single you can work on yourself. The quest to find the perfect mate becomes a lot easier when you know your own values, passions, and goals in life. Knowing yourself makes it so much easier to know what you need to get out of a relationship. Don’t get me wrong, as someone who is chronically single, I do get lonely and I do sometimes find myself wishing that I had someone. But by the same token, I know that being in a relationship right now would be a barrier to me truly working on myself the way that I want to.

If anything, being single when you are young leaves you more open to opportunity. As a single woman, I don’t need to stop and pause to think about whether a decision to travel to South America for three months would impact my relationship. I could just do it. How wonderful is it that we can explore our own lives and create stories to tell our future partners someday? Being single, you can job hop, city hop and go after whatever it is you want freely. Not that I’m suggesting that you can’t do these things with a partner but for some this might make the decision more difficult.

I’ve seen so many people bounce from relationship to relationship without truly being happy. Many of these relationships lack quality and depth. Often, they aren’t getting what they need out of their partner. The idea of dating many people or cycling through relationships has never appealed to me. Being single, means that you can think about what you want. If you need a relationship to feel whole, that may be a sign that not everything is right.

Successful relationships happen when both parties have their own passions and goals. Healthy relationships look more like a Venn diagram. We each have our own circle and sometimes we overlap. I hate the expression, “They complete me.” No, you alone can complete yourself. A partner should equal you or complement you. Relationships should help you grow.

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My Venn diagram of love. The intersection in the middle is beautiful.

If you are single, trust me, it is perfectly okay. Take this as an opportunity to learn about yourself and what you want. Instead of fretting, seek opportunities.

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Stop the Excuses. Start Life Now.

Don’t let excuses stop you from living a life in which you thrive.

If you are waiting for the opportune moment to create a life you love then you will die miserable or unfulfilled. Too often I hear twenty-somethings make excuses for not carving out their lives on their own terms. They vary from reasons such as student loans, uncertainties about what to do, or prioritizing a relationship over themselves. And this is just some of the excuses I’ve heard. This is not okay! Start life now.

You are the most important person in your life and you need to treat yourself as such. One of the ways to value you is to drop the excuses.

Start Life Now!

The opportune moment will never occur because there will always be something standing in your way. A life in which you thrive, starts when you stop letting excuses run your life. Even the smallest step towards your goals is still a step in the right direction. Start life now!

Identify your excuses or barriers.

Definitely student loans or any sort of debt can be a barrier to pursuing dreams. Trust me, this is often one of my excuses or barriers. There are times when I lament that my parents couldn’t afford to pay for my schooling. However, at the end of the day, I’m glad it’s on me because now I have to work that much harder. If it is debt/money that is holding you back then what steps can you take to get out of debt or save money? If your dreams include travelling or buying a home, try carving out the absolute minimum you can afford to save a month and put it aside. It could even be $20. The progress will be slow but once it gets rolling it can feel so good which may motivate you.

When it comes to paying off my debt, I often feel like I am staring at an insurmountable hole that I can’t climb out of. But I can get a second job and put that income towards paying off my debt. I could also reduce my spending. I know that I can do it if I stop looking at the whole picture and cheering for my small progresses (like not buying that really cute top).

What are some small steps you can take to overcome those excuses?

Sure, not knowing what you want to do is valid. But, if you keep saying that you don’t know what you want to do without experimenting or trying different things then you will stay stagnate. There are ways to explore options for yourself. One of my favourite is volunteering. Volunteer positions are often a small time commitment, in many cases add back to the community, and provide you with a way of exploring interests (volunteering is also a great way of building a resume to help with finding a job). With volunteering, it is okay to change your mind after a few months if you realize it wasn’t for you. After all, it was your free time.

Or if volunteering isn’t for you, which is fair, many universities offer both online or in person open studies. This would allow you to take a few courses without fully committing to a degree. Later, if you did find a passion, these credits could count towards a degree. If there’s something else you’ve always wanted to do, find a small way to try it out. Start life now!

Often, I find myself expecting an “Aha” moment of clarity for what my next direction will be. The trouble with this is “Aha” moments don’t always just happen organically. A lot of that clarity comes from experimentation or placing yourself in the conditions to create that “Aha.” If I have been doing the same thing for months or even years without gaining clarity, then maybe it is time for change.

What are some small steps you could take towards discovering what you want to do?

The only thing that I can say about relationships or significant others is that those people need to be supportive of you. If your significant other isn’t supporting a decision to take some time to explore what would make you thrive in life, then is this really the person that you want to spend that life with? For anyone that has been on an airplane, at the beginning of a flight they always talk about what will happen if cabin pressure drops. Air masks will descend but make sure to put your own on before helping anyone else or you may have two people down. The same goes for life. You can’t be the best support or the best help for the people you care about if you aren’t prioritizing yourself. And you aren’t prioritizing yourself if you aren’t pursuing your goals. Start life now! I know how much I’ve said it in this post but I really want the message to stick with you! Start living for you!

 Please join me in the comments with some of your barriers and brainstorm some of the small steps you could take to surmount them?

Start where you are. But you have to start life now.

How To Create a Bucket List

Almost anyone that I have ever encountered has had some sort of list of things they hope to do “Someday” or “Before I die.” These are most commonly known as a bucket list. Some people, such as myself, choose to write out a bullet point list of these goals. I even go as far to try adding date of completion to mine. Other people do not write down their goals and they float through the realm of their mind lost forever. I’ve always found that writing down my goals or things to do, makes them more tangible. Writing down goals allows you to clearly see what it is that you want to accomplish.

However, simply making an effort to write down your goals is not enough. Recently, I found an old “Life List” that I made as a teenager but hadn’t seen in years. Looking back on it seven years later I did see that I had managed to accomplish quite a few things that I set out to do. This is awesome but there are also many items on this list that are exceptionally unclear and therefore will never be completed.

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Some unachievable goals.

Sure, delving into my personal psychology or breaking my destructive patterns were noble wishes of an 18 year old. However, how will I know when I’ve completed them? If you want to be able to complete a bucket list the items you add must be tangible and have clear outcomes. Make the items on your list actionable items. “Go to the Grand Canyon” I did that, I know when I did that, I can cross that off. You could even go as far to have multi-part items: Learn to Scuba Dive, Scuba Dive in the Great Barrier Reef, Scuba Dive in Belize, etc, But all items must be clearly actionable and have a clear end point. There is no point if having a bucket list that you cannot complete!

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When the item has clear end goal it is much easier to say you’ve done it.

Give yourself some timelines. A great human error is always thinking that we have more time. Oh, I’ll get to bungee jumping some day. Sure, I’ve always wanted to white water raft but I just don’t have time right now. Thinking you have more time and making excuses will prevent you from ever completing your bucket list. Try choosing 1-3 items a year that you will complete. You can make the time to do three things a year that you have always wanted to do. Even just completing one is a big step towards living the life you want. I will be transcribing my list into my Filofax so that it is always with me.

It is perfectly okay if your goals change over time. Rewrite them so that they fit your new life trajectory or simply remove them. People change over time and our ideas or lifestyles change. For example, I see that at one point I wished to get married. I no longer find this to be important. Sure, I want a partner someday but I don’t find the formality of marriage to matter so much. If five years down the road you see an item that you no longer care to do then change it up.

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Many of my Bucket List items are travel related but not all of them have to be.

Five Easy Steps for Creating a Bucket List:

  1. Actually take the time to write the items down. Better yet, make them fancy, a list that you can be proud of or write them down in their own special notebook. Your dreams and goals are important.
  2. Make them tangible, actionable items. How will you know when you have completed them?
  3. Give yourself some timelines. For example, I want to learn how to scuba dive by 2018. I want to scuba dive in the Great Barrier Reef by 2020.
  4. Revel in the feeling of success or happiness when you have achieved something that you have always wanted to do. You are amazing! Look at what you have accomplished! This will motivate you to keep going.
  5. Adapt your goals to your current life. Desires can change but never lose focus on doing what is best for you.

 

Side Note: Many of the ideas in this post are also translatable to lists and goals outside of bucket lists.

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