There is a lot of societal pressure to get married and settle down. This in turn, can make people who are single with no prospects feel lonelier. I can’t count how many times I have heard women make self-depreciating comments about how they might as well get ten cats now because they will never find anyone. I don’t even know how cats became the poster animal for single life; they are actually wonderful. But is being single really that bad? I don’t actually think it is.
When you are single you can work on yourself. The quest to find the perfect mate becomes a lot easier when you know your own values, passions, and goals in life. Knowing yourself makes it so much easier to know what you need to get out of a relationship. Don’t get me wrong, as someone who is chronically single, I do get lonely and I do sometimes find myself wishing that I had someone. But by the same token, I know that being in a relationship right now would be a barrier to me truly working on myself the way that I want to.
If anything, being single when you are young leaves you more open to opportunity. As a single woman, I don’t need to stop and pause to think about whether a decision to travel to South America for three months would impact my relationship. I could just do it. How wonderful is it that we can explore our own lives and create stories to tell our future partners someday? Being single, you can job hop, city hop and go after whatever it is you want freely. Not that I’m suggesting that you can’t do these things with a partner but for some this might make the decision more difficult.
I’ve seen so many people bounce from relationship to relationship without truly being happy. Many of these relationships lack quality and depth. Often, they aren’t getting what they need out of their partner. The idea of dating many people or cycling through relationships has never appealed to me. Being single, means that you can think about what you want. If you need a relationship to feel whole, that may be a sign that not everything is right.
Successful relationships happen when both parties have their own passions and goals. Healthy relationships look more like a Venn diagram. We each have our own circle and sometimes we overlap. I hate the expression, “They complete me.” No, you alone can complete yourself. A partner should equal you or complement you. Relationships should help you grow.
My Venn diagram of love. The intersection in the middle is beautiful.
If you are single, trust me, it is perfectly okay. Take this as an opportunity to learn about yourself and what you want. Instead of fretting, seek opportunities.